Au Contraire-the Mobius Strip of Feminism

Continuing my previous post...

When I express my worry, the response is often:  "You'll have time to pursue teaching and writing when they get older or leave for school."

Really?  Maybe not! Maybe no one wants to hire someone who's been out of the loop for a long time professionally.  Both fields are extremely competitive and reliant on personnel who are au courant.

Other advice comes in the form of reassurances: "But just think how much more happy and well-adjusted your kids will be if you are home."  Mmmm, no guarantees there, either.  The older two are getting to the point where my opinions are only opinions.  Their decisions are going to be theirs, not mine.  Life throws a lot at our kids, and  while I do my best, it's ultimately beyond my control.  That's between them and God. 

 And who's to say I am a good mom?  I can honestly say that there are days when the puberty-fueled drama at our house coupled with the high needs of a toddler do not bring out the best in me.  Becoming a mother for the third time at a later age has not calmed these struggles; it's exacerbated them.  I feel like I have less time to do the things I want to do. I'm more selfish than I ever felt as a younger mom. 

I think too much. About me.  There are a lot of I's in the paragraphs above.

But.

There are three people whom God has put in my life.  I impact them more than anyone else will.  He reminds me of that daily. He gives new grace daily. He helps me to remember that this is not my permanent legacy, the things here in this life. 

 I had the opportunity this year to switch roles, to pursue career full time and then some.  My husband simultaneously had a career offer in another state. He was perfectly willing to make it my choice, my time, my jump.  Ms. Badinter would have loved the things he said and offered to do to make it work!

I said no.  It was just not the right thing at the right time. 

And it was my choice. No one else made it for me. Perhaps Ms. Badinter is right to be appalled at the lack of women at the top of things, but my guess is that many women choose to prioritize family over career because (shhhh) it's exhausting to attempt to be all things to all people.  

Several  friends balance advanced careers and family life incredibly well.  They are extremely talented and exhibit a clear call on their lives.  (You know who you are and I am wowed by what you do, and I know how much guff you take on it, too.)  But I am not wired the same way. 

Feminism to me is the ability to choose what I want to do with my life.  That's exactly where I find the flaw in Ms. Badinter's ideals.  You can't argue for the right to choose only particular things. 

I know Ms. Badinter would not like me for this, but my three are my current career.  They are not my idols, nor are they constructs of a societal pressure to produce model citizens. Somedays I really like my job, other times I struggle with whether I chose poorly. But it's what I picked, and I  want to do my best at it for my own sake as well as theirs.  

A mentor of mine several years ago told me, "You'll never know if what you want to do is any good unless you make it the main thing."  And that's my hope, that my main thing(s) will turn out well. 

Ms. Badinter, I salute you, because in a Mobius strip of logic, I get to be what I am in direct contradiction of and yet because of you.   

Here's to choices, feminism, and the freedom to do in Christ whatever it is He's called us to do.