House Rules

I love that there are other families like mine out there with big gaps between siblings.  The funniest thing happens when we mommies of late arrivals meet each other:  we say, "OHHHH!" and hug with a smile.  Even though we've just met.  This usually happens at  toddler enrichment activities like story time at the library (Wigglers, anyone?)  where we stand out from the hip young mamas with our wrinkles, mom sweats/jeans, and  slightly recalcitrant older siblings in tow. (Because, yeah, the unfiltered internet at the library freaks me out.)

 The young mamas are doing the things we did ten years ago because it is part of a repertoire of delightful child-centric life.  I don't know about the other big gap mamas, but I am doing it out of guilt for all the stuff my present toddler doesn't get to do.   She's not getting the same experience as her older sibs; but I find lots of comfort in the idea that she's getting a rich one.  It's just different. 

We immediately connect, draw off to the side, and make plans to see each other again.  Which we know will be very difficult between accommodating the needs of a toddler and playing taxi driver and psychologist to our tweens and teens. But we do get together, like rare birds, and bask in the contentment that comes from being with those like yourself.  It's really fun and refreshing to the soul, even if it's fifteen minutes over coffee.

And we also share bizarre rules that don't apply to families where the children are more closely grouped.   What we've learned is simple:  what parents say matters to a toddler, but what siblings say is what most often comes out  of their mouths.  It's tricky to balance between the freedom and privileges of a teenager and the right to a fairly normal childhood of a toddler.  Here are a few house rules from our families or those compadres we've met along the way:

1.  If the toddler learns a bad word, the big kid who said it in front of them gets THEIR mouth washed out with soap. 

2. It is mandatory that you read the toddler five stories if you want to have a prayer of going to the mall later today. 

3. You may not bad mouth, mock, or otherwise give Barney, Elmo, Dora, or any of their tribe a bad vibe that makes your littlest sister dislike them or think they are uncool.  When your project for AP English is due, you'll be very glad something entertains your younger sibling for 24 minutes while I proofread your project, uninterrupted.

4. I'll bet you can tinkle right through that Dora the Explorer Potty Seat, but if you know what's good for you, you won't try. Unless, of course, you'd like to remove urine from the nooks and crannies of those little padded wonders. Take it off, it takes two seconds, that's what the handles are for. *This has not happened yet at my house, I don't think, but from other families.

5.  She does not need to know how to "shake it like a polaroid", so watch what you "Just Dance" to when she's around. Please.

6.  AC/DC is never appropriate for bedtime lullabies.  Neither is anything from the Beatles hallucinogenic period.  All we need is a toddler singing "I am the Walrus."  And she would.  She'd probably sing it while she shook it like a polaroid. 

7. The toddler is not to be used for chick bait. We joke, but really, don't. 

8.  A preschooler, however, can be used as a chaperone.   They tell everything.  We parents like that. 

9. A toddler is not your personal parrot or toy.  Do not mess with their vocabulary development by having them repeat ridiculous phrases or do tricks with words.  You will either create an attention monster or worse, actually cause language acquisition issues. 

10.  You can, however, sing their favorite songs with them 90 times a day and do the motions, too.  We did it for you, and look how well you turned out! :)

My next post will be the 10 coolest things about having much older siblings. It will be hard, because there's more like a thousand amazing things.  But I will pick my favorites.