THINGS unexpected

Sometimes you work really hard and you get absolutely nowhere, and God doesn't seem to be listening. Or He takes entirely too long, from our perspective.  But sometimes, you are looking the other way when you get hit by His plans.   Sometimes, He plops an enormous THING in your path.  And this THING has wheels and is going at the speed of light and you collide with it.  As you roll along on the juggernaut, you remind Him that isn't your THING right now.  (Like the God of all THINGS really doesn't know what He's doing.)   

The THING circles you, looking at you, in spite of your asking it nicely to move along or come back later. God wakes you up in the middle of the night with word pictures and things that have always resonated with you, and tells you it is time.  He sends very unlikely advocates and they speak unexpected challenges towards your roles and family needs.  You also hear encouragement to move forward when you expected agreement with your reluctance.  

What's a girl to do?

Love the THING.  Do the THING.  Trust God with the rest- trust that He loves you more, loves your family more, loves the people you are impacting more than you possibly can.  He will make a way.  

And here's the THING. 

I had been praying for the right part time job to open up, something I could do to help build our finances back up and prepare for the first kid leaving for college in four years. So I responded to an ad hoping to dialogue about future jobs and get some substitute teaching in. 

I fell in love with this little Christian school and their mission and ministry.  I think they liked me. They offered me a job.  I took it, after about two weeks of serious prayer and seeking advice.

I start teaching again in less than four weeks.  I'm excited.  I'm terrified.  Most of you know my heart is with teaching, but it's also with being a good mama.  But I can't tell you how my other teaching job offer felt wrong  and got worse and this one feels exactly right and gets better.

The biggest worry and prayer subject is Nora, of course.  The hardest thing will be not being home with her.  But I kept thinking of Susanna Wesley, for some reason.  She had ten children. She worked all the time running a house doing difficult, attention-demanding work and managed to have fifteen minutes alone with every child every day. Most of her children made a mark on the world for Christ. Somehow she made it work. 

I have a huge span between kids.  When Nora was born, an offhand remark from someone I love made me think very hard.  My friend said," My younger siblings were born when I was 14 and 16, and I felt like I was left alone to grow up because my parents were so enamored with their new little ones." How awful, to feel that a sibling was not a blessing but a replacement.  I knew then that it would be challenging to parent such a wide spread.  We are at a point right now where the older two are needy in vastly different ways than a toddler. I have to tend to all of my lambs, not just one.  And that might mean something different than I would normally do, because honey, we are way past normal. 

God worked out all the details, months ago, where the hours Nora will be away from Chris and myself are minimal and she will actually stay at home. H. is our sitter and she's gotten to be a great friend this summer. We could have a whole post on why H. is coming into our family at this time, but let's just leave it at God-appointed on both ends.  I respect her tremendously and she works part time here at camp during the school year.  Nora's time fits right in between her hours.  The funds she earns sitting for us are going to send her to Africa, we hope.

Being at home also means, even with our seriously amazing sitter around, Chris will be less than 100 yards away. He can have lunch with her and put her down for a nap if he wants. Stuff happens, and he's right here if it does.  There's also no waste of precious time and wrestling diaper bags and car seats in weather while dropping Nora off at a third location, or putting her into a group situation which she's too young for.  I'm very happy about that. 

Olivia gets to go to school with me.  I've been doing some serious praying over this kid as she approaches middle school and womanhood.  I could not have designed a more Olivia friendly school environment if I'd tried. I get the feeling that God is honing in on her heart and soul through this.  She's struggled with feeling downsized since Nora's arrival.  She'll have Mom time as we drive to school every day, all to herself, no interruptions.  I'm in the classroom across the porch from her. She's very happy about that. 

Jack gets to earn a little money stepping up on chores and handling the changeover from H. after school (this means hanging out with Nora during her designated Dora viewing slot.)  He feels left out of the sister party, and I've been praying for bonding time for my bookends. He will get to go on church mission and ski trips and save up for his computer.  Also, see the whole college aspect above.  He's very happy about all of that.  

God knows our needs, every one of them.  In the last few days I have seen Him weave things together and answer prayers almost before I finished them.  He's provided a better answer in some cases than I had asked for.  Have you ever seen it happen like that? 

This THING will be amazing and hard and wonderful and challenging.  And my house will not be clean, and we will eat a lot of pizza, but those things are the reality anyway.  The laundry will be ridiculous, but everyone will learn a little more about whites, darks, and reds. Everyone will stretch, but everyone will grow, too.  

The thing about the THING is, I haven't had too many times in my life when God said, "Do this. Now." But I feel very convicted, absolutely called. I watched in awe as every single worry I had turned to an answer.  I had no reason to tell God no to this ministry.   I have no idea why He is letting me do this.  This THING was not what I was looking for, but it was looking for me.

I feel very small and inadequate and blessed.

Publish Post

House Rules

I love that there are other families like mine out there with big gaps between siblings.  The funniest thing happens when we mommies of late arrivals meet each other:  we say, "OHHHH!" and hug with a smile.  Even though we've just met.  This usually happens at  toddler enrichment activities like story time at the library (Wigglers, anyone?)  where we stand out from the hip young mamas with our wrinkles, mom sweats/jeans, and  slightly recalcitrant older siblings in tow. (Because, yeah, the unfiltered internet at the library freaks me out.)

 The young mamas are doing the things we did ten years ago because it is part of a repertoire of delightful child-centric life.  I don't know about the other big gap mamas, but I am doing it out of guilt for all the stuff my present toddler doesn't get to do.   She's not getting the same experience as her older sibs; but I find lots of comfort in the idea that she's getting a rich one.  It's just different. 

We immediately connect, draw off to the side, and make plans to see each other again.  Which we know will be very difficult between accommodating the needs of a toddler and playing taxi driver and psychologist to our tweens and teens. But we do get together, like rare birds, and bask in the contentment that comes from being with those like yourself.  It's really fun and refreshing to the soul, even if it's fifteen minutes over coffee.

And we also share bizarre rules that don't apply to families where the children are more closely grouped.   What we've learned is simple:  what parents say matters to a toddler, but what siblings say is what most often comes out  of their mouths.  It's tricky to balance between the freedom and privileges of a teenager and the right to a fairly normal childhood of a toddler.  Here are a few house rules from our families or those compadres we've met along the way:

1.  If the toddler learns a bad word, the big kid who said it in front of them gets THEIR mouth washed out with soap. 

2. It is mandatory that you read the toddler five stories if you want to have a prayer of going to the mall later today. 

3. You may not bad mouth, mock, or otherwise give Barney, Elmo, Dora, or any of their tribe a bad vibe that makes your littlest sister dislike them or think they are uncool.  When your project for AP English is due, you'll be very glad something entertains your younger sibling for 24 minutes while I proofread your project, uninterrupted.

4. I'll bet you can tinkle right through that Dora the Explorer Potty Seat, but if you know what's good for you, you won't try. Unless, of course, you'd like to remove urine from the nooks and crannies of those little padded wonders. Take it off, it takes two seconds, that's what the handles are for. *This has not happened yet at my house, I don't think, but from other families.

5.  She does not need to know how to "shake it like a polaroid", so watch what you "Just Dance" to when she's around. Please.

6.  AC/DC is never appropriate for bedtime lullabies.  Neither is anything from the Beatles hallucinogenic period.  All we need is a toddler singing "I am the Walrus."  And she would.  She'd probably sing it while she shook it like a polaroid. 

7. The toddler is not to be used for chick bait. We joke, but really, don't. 

8.  A preschooler, however, can be used as a chaperone.   They tell everything.  We parents like that. 

9. A toddler is not your personal parrot or toy.  Do not mess with their vocabulary development by having them repeat ridiculous phrases or do tricks with words.  You will either create an attention monster or worse, actually cause language acquisition issues. 

10.  You can, however, sing their favorite songs with them 90 times a day and do the motions, too.  We did it for you, and look how well you turned out! :)

My next post will be the 10 coolest things about having much older siblings. It will be hard, because there's more like a thousand amazing things.  But I will pick my favorites.